Sooner or later Angry Birds creator Rovio is bound to learn the lesson that LucasFilm eventually figured out with Star Wars: it’s OK to turn down some licensing offers. The company’s cute line-up of cartoon birds don’t need to be plastered on every single product imaginable.
Angry Birds T-shirts and play sets are one thing. Cufflinks, creepy boxer shorts and dog tag necklaces are something else entirely. IGN has compiled seven examples of Angry Birds merchandising gone horribly wrong.
Only buy this shirt when the store is out of Cut the Rope / Carlito’s Way shirts.
Paper Magic Group Angry Birds Yellow Bird Mask
This looks like a bird trying to vomit out a cheerful man.
Angry Birds King Pig Child Costume
Just in case bullies never called you fat as a kid, now’s your chance!
Angry Birds Smash That Pig Boxers
Let us explain why these boxers are so confusing. First of all, the birds are on the front, and the pig on the back. So what is the pig supposed to be? Who is the “smash that pig!!!” command for? The person wearing them? Are the directions for a woman, seeing the boxers on a man? What is it they are supposed to smash? AND WHY IS THIS FOR KIDS?
Red Angry Birds Game Cufflinks
The perfect cufflinks to wear to a job interview for a man that wants to stay unemployed.
Angry Birds Green Pig Dog Tag Necklace
The dog tag was originally used to identify the dead in war. This dog tag is used to identify your dead dignity.
Angry Birds Fruit Snacks
The latest in a long line of snacks teaching kids to eat their childhood heroes.
Not all of the licensed Angry Birds goods are terrible. Gamers love to hate on Rovio’s ridiculously popular bird-flinging franchise, but the truth is that Angry Birds is a great game for budding young gamers to cut their teeth on. Smart licensors have created Angry Birds tie-ins appealing to these youngsters. Some have even made an effort to teach kids about real-world science and physics. Nice!
This National Geographic tie-in is actually jam-packed with facts and figures about the solar system and deep space. Good on Rovio for getting Angry Birds-obsessed youngsters into science and space exploration!
Angry Birds Card Game
There isn’t much to this simple card game, but youngsters will get a kick out of rolling Angry Birds-themed dice. Bonus points for being super inexpensive!
Brian Altano is IGN’s Senior Features Editor, lunatic comedy writer and co-host of the weekly news show Up At Noon. Who knows? Your life might possibly improve slightly if you follow him on Twitter and IGN.